Thursday, April 05, 2007

Agitated Prayer

I was tossing and turning last night, and woke very agitated. And the first thing that came to my mind in the predawn hours was being very angry at God for the slow pace of finding a job. After I recovered from feeling a bit guilty for being angry at "GOD," I did what every self-help book would recommend: find out the source of my frustration and anger.

I realized that I have felt very powerless in this whole process--sending resumes and not hearing anything back....having to plug away even though I've only had one interview thus far for a job that I didn't pursue. I don't have a lot of guidance in job searching in the digital age. I'm not at a point where I can just go back to school, volunteer, or intern. And "pastor" on a resume just doesn't translate well into lots of practical skills for lots of organizations.

It was good to relay much of this into prayer as it helped me turn all this internal turmoil over to God. I found some Scriptural articulation later this morning in my reading of Psalm 61: "Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer...I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

1 comment:

Jules said...

Hang in there Jesse. This use to be my world for a few years, and it's tough. I got a lot of no responses to responses with no hire to a few odd jobs without pay. It was like wandering in dry land, and it made me question what I am meant to do in my life. The difference is that we are in completely different fields, so I think maybe you have more of a chance because I think there is always a need for people in ministry. In my field, I just have to take a number and add it to my pile of numbers.